Ottawa Moms

tap tap tap

2008-09-03T15:32:00.003-04:00

*blowing the dust from the furniture*

Anyone still come here?

It's September and September has always seemed like a time of new beginnings. New school year. End of summer. All that jazz.

So what of this place? Can I/we make a go of it again? Shall I go off and start an anonymous Mommy Blog somewhere else? Don't know, but hopefully the answer will come to me.

What's been going on?

Well, for starters I've been back to work since mid April and then "fell" pregnant in May. So all my time and energy have been focused in those general directions. But now that summer is drawing to a close perhaps it's time to start writing here again.

I'm looking for my writing mojo. If you see it, please package it up and send it back.

Thanks.

Whew

2008-05-12T16:00:00.003-04:00

It's hard to believe that last week at this time I was in the hospital having an NST done. Tomorrow Thomas will be one week old.

I think I am being a typical over protective mother. My list of breast feeding sides, times, poo's, pees and sleeps grows longer every day. Keeping track helps my brain, but also adds to my freak outs.

I worry about everything. My boy has slept all day. I woke him up twice to feed, but he isn't really interested. I try not to panic, but it's hard. Yesterday he was up for most of the day, then had a good night of eating and sleeping. I fear tonight he will be up.

Breastfeeding is another story. So far so good. He latches pretty well concidering he is slightly tongue tied. My milk came in as well, and I am trying to establish a steady supply. I don't really know much about breastfeeding, except to plop him on when he cries, so far it works. Except he falls asleep half way though and sometimes no amount of "bugging" gets him to suck more.

I should stop worrying. I spend more time crying over nothing then enjoying being a mom. I am doing everything they say, I have started eating more, cleaning less, and started walking again. I hope this helps lift the baby blues.

Hubby is back to work. He is away tonight, and probably tomorrow night too. I try not to think about it too much. Aside from that, all is well here.

Drive by posting

2008-05-08T07:35:00.003-04:00

Gasp!

You know why I don't post here as much as I should?

Because I have to log out of my google account that I always keep open and then log back in under this identity. That should tell you just how lazy I really am.

Anyway! 2 Things.

First, a HUGE congratulations to Brandy and family. I got to hear a little bit about her homebirth and am amazed. I don't think I would ever attempt a homebirth particularly with my first baby. Good on Brandy for knowing what she wanted and doing it her way.

Second, I'm sure that by now everyone has heard about the dreaded BPA that is in our much used plastic products. Have I stopped drinking water out of my water cooler? Nope. But I do take care to wash all of Danica's products by hand and whatnot.

Here's something interesting: Zellers is offering a full refund in exchange for returning your BPA-laden Avent products. Even if you didn't buy them there. Wow! You can return Avent products for store credit. This is simply unbelievable. Do you think that I should be impressed with Zellers or Avent or both? Have you even heard of such a thing?

So, take back your bottles, breast pumps etc and buy some jujubes and shampoo with your credit note. How cool is that???

I should mention that Toys R Us is offering a partial refund of 50% of the most recent sales price. I guess I would have thought that was grand of them if Zellers wasn't completely showing them up. :)

That is all for now. But I'll be back. Soon.

Home birth

2008-05-07T13:50:00.002-04:00

I managed to pull off a home birth. Depsite what the hospital wanted. With a little help from a bottle of castor oil and two stretch and sweeps I delivered my baby boy at home in a little over 4 hours.

He was 7 pounds, born at 8:57pm. On his due date.

Thomas is sleeping soundly beside me on the couch. He is the picture of health.

Broken Water

2008-05-04T14:49:00.003-04:00

When I awoke to a popping sound, and a soaked night gown I was sure I'd have a baby in my arms within a couple hours.

Isn't that what happens in the movies?

Instead of the glorious homebirth I invisioned I am now preparing myself for a hospital induction. I declined getting induced today, in hopes that I will fall into the 96% of women who go into labour naturally after their water breaking within 48 hours.

The longest I will go is Tuesday. Then induction.

oh wow we suck

2008-05-03T14:40:00.004-04:00

you know the nice weather is here when the Ottawans actually leave their computer desk to actually *gasp* spend lengthly amounts of time in the beautiful outdoors.

not too much happening here. i did, however cut Emmas hair off early this year. i do it every year for her cause she is a sweating machine with a ton of really thick hair.

so i sat the punk in the kitchen, hauled out the scissors and chopped it off. she is thrilled with her new do.

i did hear this morning that Brandy is having her baby like RIGHT NOW! im so excited. i cant wait to see pictures.

i have also met someone that i am completely twiterpated with. but more on him later. *giggles*

so there is a quick update on this end. we must get to posting again.

1 week left

2008-04-13T20:54:00.004-04:00

Sometimes it gets to be so long between posts that it just seems easier not to post at all.

Aaaannyway. What's been going on with this Ottawa Mom lately? Trips, colds, family visits and getting ready to go back to work. Eeesh. This time next week and I'll be preparing for my first day back. I'm not actually going back until Tuesday but Sunday is when you get ready for such things, no?

So, as you can imagine, I'm rather underwhelmed with the reality of heading back to work. Danica will be under the loving care of her grandparents and I'm grateful for that. Heading back to work is stressful enough without having to worry about sending my baby to Daycare.

I had the opportunity to work for a few days earlier in the year and I think that helped me not dread the inevitable return to work. Part of me enjoyed the challenges and pace and social aspect of work.

But of course, if I had the choice I'd stay home with my girl.

One good thing about going back to work....life tends to be more structured so hopefully I'll get to posting regularly again. :)

Interesting

2008-04-13T04:15:00.002-04:00

i just got an email from my aunt with this article in it.

one more thing to add to the 'try to avoid' list.

Hurry up and wait.

2008-04-13T02:18:00.002-04:00

I am finally full term. Feels like a lifetime ago I found out I was pregnant on a hot September morning. Now it's spring and I am ready to burst.

I am 37 weeks, and technically I can go into labour anytime, but I know it will probably be another month of waiting. I am ok with this, I can use the next few weeks to freak myself out and fully enjoy the end of pregnancy irritations.

It is 2:20am. I had almost a week of sleeping through the night, and now I am back to waking up for a few hours every morning. A combination of heartburn, hunger and braxton hicks is what does it. Having to sleep on the couch doesn't help either.

Aside from being awake between one and four am, and my limited mobility I am doing well. I still manage to exercise everyday, and even have convinced hubby to join me on his days off. (He is starting to notice sympathy weight around his midsection)

The light at the end of the tunnel

2008-04-01T21:49:00.002-04:00

Ok, ok! I'm here! I'm sorry! I've been a horrible contributer. That's going to stop now.

Please blame the never ending ear infections afflicting my poor toddler. I've had very little time to formulate a thought beyond 'I need food' or 'child requires cuddling' or 'need to give child medicine again'. I trip over messes in my house and make plans in my head about how I'm going to clean it or what great things we're going to do outside the home when Jackson feels better.

I've had a month of this inner blather. A month with sick children and snow. Even with all the warm weather we've been having there's still a foot of snow out there. Today we were outside and I could see most of my driveway, part of the walkway and the grass around the oil furnace fill pipe. And the worst part? I got excited about it. Excited! About... That. Ugh. I'm disgusted.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, or at least a puddle at the end of the driveway. Puddles mean melting and melting means snow disappears and snow disappearing means Spring. Correct? Please tell me I'm correct. I think I have just enough sanity remaining if I stay positive.

Jackson will get better. Spring will come. I will win the lottery.

I'm probably pushing it just a little bit with the positive thinking.

i think i figured it out

2008-03-27T14:40:00.002-04:00

no one is in much of a writing mood because of the never ending winter of 07-08.

i smell spring in the air, i know its close. its just hard to imagine all this snow will ever be gone.

poor Emma is so tired of snow gear. the kid wants nothing more then to wear her rubber boots and a spring jacket and not have to take that extra 10 mins to get out the door everytime we go anywhere.

of course i am looking forward to that also.

as of late, the 9 year old attitude has been out in full force. this includes such classics as 'you are so not fair!!!' and 'ARRGGH!' and dont forget the ever popular 'you ALWAYS are so mean' . ahh to be 9 again. i just chuckle and walk away. this, of course, angers her more. oh well. guess what baby girl, mommy was a 9 year old girl once also and knows all your tricks.

it makes me laugh but also makes me realize why my mom chuckled at me all those years ago and i couldnt figure out why she wouldnt feed into my anger. LOL

Emma had a good easter at her dad and Granny's house. She came back here Sunday night and Monday i had a hunt for her. she was pretty stoked.

if you can believe after a 4 day long weekend, tomorrow we have another PD Day. yep.. so that means its a 3 day week. throw in march break and i think they have had about 2 weeks of school all month

so there is my update. i will do it more i promise.

What a "lovely" Easter

2008-03-25T08:13:00.002-04:00

Well, if you count hacking, coughing, finding the cough syrup, taking daily doses of Advil and Children's Advil, and finding a bucket at 11 pm on Saturday night for Sarah to throw up into, yeah we had a lovely Easter. Victoria was the only one bouncing around on Easter Sunday morning, eager for the chocolate. No, didn't go to church *surprise surprise* Thankfully Tim had the day off on Monday anyhow. So, didn't do anything much over the Easter weekend.

Hope all of your Easters were better than ours! *smiles*

2008-03-19T16:46:00.002-04:00

I had my baby shower over the weekend. It was very fun, and a little overwhelming. About thirty ladies piled into my bungalow all with brightly papered gifts.

Once everyone was seated, the hour and a half gift opening started. So many tiny outfits, and blankets, toys and diapers. I am still trying to make sense of everything.

Once the baby shower happens, all that is left is for the baby to come. At the midwife office yesterday she said "you are almost full term". Hearing her say this made me realize that I am almost full term. I am sitting at 33 weeks today.

I guess we'd better find a name, and soon.

So what's to become of this place?

2008-03-18T10:33:00.009-04:00

I guess we're all running out of steam. Right now it's a high cost/low yield endeavor and we're all busy.

I admit that I haven't had much spare time for blogging these days but I think about this place often.

Wanna see what I've been doing with my time?

Oh Emma.. LOL

2008-03-11T23:58:00.004-04:00

*background info* my mom is gay. she is happily married to her partner, Bev. They had a union in 2002 and were married in 2003. they have a little apartment, 2 cats, a car and a bitchin trailer. they live and work not far from here and i am really close to my mom. so we see them often. so Emma has 2 grandmothers - mamere (my mom) and Bev (who she refers to sometimes as Grandpa Bev, crazy inside joke since she was just little cause Bev is the butch out of the 2.)

so today my step sister, Bobbie Jo, Bev's daughter, and i were sitting here. she had taken Emma to the Wave pool today. Emma had a blast and mommy got to sit around and do nothing for a couple of hours.

they got back and Bobbie and i were just sitting around, screwing around on the net when Emma came flying in the computer room.

'I need some paper mom. i want to draw a picture for Mamere and Bev'

No problem. she grabs the paper and takes off just as fast as she came in. i heard her plunk her self down. then there was silence, then there was this cute little giggle coming back into the room.

'look! its mamere and Bev! Mamere is the tall one and Bev is the little one'

of course, that makes sense because my mom is 5'10 and Bev is about 5'7 so great job!

then she showed me the picture and Bobbie Jo and i just cracked up and pulled out our cameras to take a pic. its that cute/funny.

LOL how funny is she. so cute. i love her to death

Grumble grumble grumble

2008-03-11T14:23:00.002-04:00

Spring forward?

There's nothing springy about me these days. Why does the time change always screw me up? I thought it wouldn't be as bad this year because I'm not working but I was wrong.

Possibly because we're both still recovering sickies, Danica and I are sluggishly slogging through the week, getting very late starts and having unscheduled naps. (I should clarify that I'm not the one napping although it's not a bad idea.)

Tomorrow my aim is to get out of bed at a decent time and try to stick to the schedule that has been working for us these past months. Funny how being a Mom has made me value routine more than sleep-ins.

I never thought I'd see the day.

Sickies

2008-03-10T10:24:00.004-04:00

Enough already. I'm not writing like I should be and I'm going to remedy that. I scrapbooked in all my spare time last week. Then I got sick. Who wants to write when they're sick? Then it snowed and, ug, who wants to hear about my disgust with that? Then it snowed more. And more. And more.

But worse than the snow even was that Chicka caught the cold that had knocked me on my arse.

Crazy Amounts of Snow
+
1 Sick Mommy
+
1 Sick Baby
1 Unhappy Household

In spite of the coughing that's going on today, both of us are feeling marginally better. Thank goodness because it was seriously breaking my heart to see my girl feeling so crappy. My normally very active, mobile baby was lethargic and sad yesterday. She whimpered and cuddled and sat still. 3 things that she normally doesn't do.

Danica's been sick before but not to this degree. I just wasn't prepared for how I would feel. I mean, there was nothing I could do aside from try to comfort her and give her something to break her fever.

It true what they say about having a child is allowing your heart to go walking around outside of your body because yesterday my heart was laying on the floor whimpering and all I could do was scoop her up and hope for the best.

Nursery

2008-03-08T09:49:00.003-05:00

I bravely posted pictures of my nursery on the pregnancy website I frequent. The comments I received made me laugh out loud.

"Oh Halloween's coming"

"Kinda dark for a baby"

"What if the baby doesn't like dark"

"Reminds me of Nightmare before Christmas"

I wasn't sure how to take this reaction, I like the room, my husband and family like the room. Do I care what these people think?

I showed my sister the comments, and she roared. She thought it was hilarious. She posted her own comment "Nice Satan room! Just kidding, I love it, it isn't fruity like most nurseries".

What do you think?

My sister suggested hanging the Iron Maiden onesie in the background as a finishing touch :-)

Awfully proud of myself

2008-03-05T15:21:00.004-05:00

I am really enjoying my online scrapbooking class. I've done 2 layouts so far and had great fun.

Actually, there's a chance that other tasks may go by the wayside as I'm so focused on all things scrapbook these days.

So what do you think?

Snow Days... SUCK!

2008-03-05T13:57:00.002-05:00

we have had more days this season where the buses are canceled due to weather then any year i can remember.

its ridiculous.

but we are still no where close to near the snowfall record for Ottawa. i heard on the news the other night we are off by 110 cms.

this is the second day this week in fact where there is no school for this reason. Emma hates it. she loves going to school. she has since day one. i actually use it as a form of almost punishment. serioulsy. 'Emma this is your last chance, if you dont do what i told you, you are not going to school tomorrow!'. you want to see a girl work fast after that. its pretty funny.

so now she is sitting, watching 'are we done yet' and eating fruit salad. because its really slippery out we cant really go walking so i think we are gonna bake. we have to do something interesting or we are both gonna go nutty.

Scrapbooking

2008-03-02T21:29:00.003-05:00

Oy. Chicka is more than 10 months old and I haven't even started the scrapbook I had intended on making for her. I've got a drawer full of mementos and easily as many ideas.

I suck.

But that's about to change. I've signed up for a digital scrapbooking class that begins tomorrow. The materials have been downloaded and I'm raring to go. Hopefully this is the push that I need to get my act together.

I'll be sharing my efforts here over the next couple of weeks. Stay tuned....

Juno

2008-03-01T10:02:00.002-05:00

saw it last night. it was AWESOME! i loved every minute of it. the minute it is out on DVD i am buying it.

it is the perfect anything movie. out with the girls movie, date movie (although my date was far from perfect last night.. yeesh. but that is another story for another day) or even a go by yourself cause you cant find anyone to go with movie.

it gets 2 thumbs up from me and if i had any more thumbs to give i would put them up also.

Food.

2008-02-26T17:16:00.004-05:00

I don't know if I have cravings, it's more like I forget about a food then rediscover it and eat it non-stop. My first trimester was pogo's, V8, and apples. Second trimester was soy milk, broccoli and danishes, my third trimester so far in it's infancy has been iceberg lettuce, Rolaids, and macaroni and cheese.

I bought a bottle of V8 remembering how much I loved it in my first trimester, I have yet to crack it open.

Nutrition was a big concern for me. In the beginning I was working a lot of hours, and needed the right kind of calories to make it through the day. I remember planning lunches hoping I wouldn't run out of food or water. I seldom did, but it did involve carrying a lot of extra weight into the woods with me every day.

When my job ended I started looking into the kinds of food I was eating. I was soon to cut out meat, then dairy, then eggs. I stayed this way for a couple months, then started to slowly introduce dairy back into my diet. I thought I had developed lactose intolerance, but I think it just grossed me out.

Now I have reached a balance. I eat cheese, but drink vegetable milk. I eat eggs, but only organic free range. Meat is harder, I don't eat much if any. I don't trust packaged meat, and the stuff in the grocery store makes me shiver. When and if I decide to eat meat again it will have to be from organic animals.

There is so much information out there regarding nutrition and pregnancy I have to trust my gut, and since there is a little boy swimming around in it everything I put in my mouth is put in his too. That being said, dinner will be macaroni and cheese (with a side of broccoli and cake).

Mother Nature vs. Amanda

2008-02-26T09:24:00.005-05:00

I had to comment on Shauna's most recent post, as the entire thing made me giggle. Well, there was the giggling mixed with the "I told you so" feeling (I love that feeling!)

The year was 1996 - when dinosaurs roamed the earth and many people still had tape decks -
and I gave birth to a beautiful little boy named Aerik. He was over 10 pounds, took a round of preeclampsia, a long and itchy round of obstetric cholestasis, and 48 hours of labour to get here. I hemorrhaged, he had an initial APGAR of 6 (read: not good), I had to be stitched up, and I used a sitz bath for days and days. He was tongue-tied, nursing was excruciating, he was gassy and we both cried. A lot. Oreos became my friend, I gained a lot of post-partum weight and I ended up on antidepressants.

And, most importantly, I swore I would never, EVER have another baby. Never would I do that to myself again. He was all I needed and wanted. The hole in my heart that longed for motherhood was successfully filled, thank you very much.

That feeling lasted until shortly after Aerik's first birthday, when I found myself with a baby - nay, toddler - who could speak, run circles around me and sleep (mostly) through the night. He was funny and rambunctious and so gosh darn perfect that it would seem a shame to waste all those eggs in me. Why not have one more?

Wait a minute! I told myself. There was something I didn't like about the whole pregnancy and birth and newborn thing. What was it again? The preeclampsia? Well, research suggests that won't happen again. Problem solved. Obstetric Cholewhatsis? I can't even say it, so I doubt that'll happen again. It can't be that common. We know how to fix a tongue-tie now, right? And I know more about breastfeeding latches. Those nights weren't that long, were they? He didn't cry that much, did he? And they're so cute. So, so cute...

Reality check: The nights were that long, and he did cry that much. The problem here is that Mother Nature was dulling my memory; Twisting it and making it seem easier and more pleasant. And you know what? It worked. It worked so well that we spent the next four years trying to have a second child.

This is where I made a terrible mistake. I wanted that baby so badly that I did, indeed, lose myself in infertility. I was blindsided; I didn't see it coming. How had we managed to conceive a child without even trying, only to find ourselves battling the cruelty of PCOS' worst symptom? I couldn't get pregnant. When I finally did, I miscarried. It was a dark, lonely, frustrating time. I went from someone who took childbearing as her God-given womanly right, to feeling betrayed by my body.

One day after our miscarriage in the spring of 2001, I came to the sudden and painful realization that I had lost sight of what was right in front of me: a beautiful, precious boy named Aerik. A gift to a now infertile couple. I had forgotten to fully appreciate what I already had because I was so busy trying to get more. We were a family - an unplanned, sometimes dysfunctional but always loving family. That is when I made the decision to be grateful for what I already had. We still worked towards our goal of a larger family, but not obsessively.

In the spring 2002 I found myself pregnant again. This one stuck around, and Declan was born in the fall. Just as perfect as I had imagined, and a better sleeper to boot! No tongue-tie, champion breastfeeder, and worth all those years of trying.

That put an end to my obsession over having babies. Jackson was a "not really trying, not really preventing" baby. In fact, we just had decided we were finished making babies right around the time sperm met egg. Oops. A happy oops, mind you.

But I'm done, now. Really done. He's sixteen months old and I still feel complete.

...Except that all my friends are having babies lately. Scrunchy, sweet-smelling, cuddly newborns. And girls, too. A lot of them are having girls...Maybe if we just had one more...

Damn you, Mother Nature.

ARGH!!

2008-02-25T20:52:00.000-05:00

I am friggin done. DONE.

I seriously do not understand the mindset of a deadbeat. And if someone could please explain it to me I would truly appreciate it.

The stunt he pulled this weekend was the final straw. He called here fri morning telling me that he could not take Emma because he had a bachelor party weekend to go to at Tremblanc and that he had to go because he is in the wedding party.

That was it. never called back. Nothing.

Finally at 830 this evening he decided to call me. Of course puts the blame on me. I will not ruin his friends wedding and he does everything for me. Everything? What exactly is everything? ‘I take her every weekend for you to go out and I drive you places on Friday nights’

For me to go out… well lets look at this now shall we. The reason you take her every weekend is because you have not paid me a dime in child support in almost 2 years and if I go out when my child is not here, last I checked, is my F**KING business! Is there a memo I missed? Is going out with friends when your child is not here now on the bad parenting list?

And the driving me places. Well. It us usually one of 2 places, my friends house around the corner and towards the 417 west (that he has to take) or to another friends house in the south end which allows him to take Hunt Club and get home that much quicker.

Now this weekend coming up is the actual wedding. I asked him if it was an R rated adult only wedding. He said no. I said well then there is no reason why you cant take her if you cant find a sitter. ‘I am in the wedding party, don’t be such an idiot Joylinn and I will not ruin Gords wedding for you’. That’s right. Ruin. Ruined by having his child with him. But I quickly responded with ‘your girl friend is not in the wedding party so guess what, she can sit with your daughter’

But taking her would mean that he cant get drunk to the point of illness and might actually have to leave at a decent hour to be responsible and heaven forbid that happens.

So I am done. I have placed calls today to get letters that I already know I need to apply for Legal Aid and will be calling thru to them tomorrow to ask if there is anything else so that I am well prepared.

Court Round 2. yes 2. This is the second time I have to go thru this and I have a feeling it will not be the last. But I will be going in on fire and will not back down for anything. Last time I was at a very fragile emotional state with dealing with his court papers that were not even about him but his mom wanting visitation, then my mom had come out of the closet and I was constantly at therapy with Emma at the time and working nights.

This time there will be no screwing around. I will demand the government garnish his wages in order for me to get paid and I will still stay with the every weekend off. He thinks I cant do that and has tried to tell me that no judge or lawyer would ever give me such a thing. And just for telling me that, that is what I will go for. And I am not budging. It is still not even close to being half the month therefore it would still not affect the amount of money he would have to pay me.

And then to top it all off there will be time enforcements for pick up and drop off that will be assisted by the police if need be.

Sound a little harsh? Maybe. But live in my shoes and you would be doing the same

Just when should you go to the Emergency?

2008-02-25T16:30:00.002-05:00

I've not been writing much on here, either Shauna. :) Yeah, life, as a mom, gets in the way.

When should you head for the emergency is one of those things that every parents faces, I think. After hours clinics are good things. Anyhow, I just came across this site called "The Virtual Pediatrician"
On that site he helps try to alleviate worries parents may have. A very useful site, indeed.

Wishing all of you well.

I think I must be nuts

2008-02-25T11:09:00.005-05:00

I haven't been writing much lately. Oh, I've been busy and all but that's not really the only reason. I've got lots to write about but the one thing that's in the forefront of my thoughts these days is getting pregnant again.

Am I crazy???

When Danica was a newborn, I remember asking Amanda why in heaven's name did people have more than one child when it was so difficult? I was sleep deprived and frazzled and bewildered.

She told me because they "had to". I didn't really really understand it at the time. But here I find myself flipping through the maternity clothes section of the catalog. Wandering through the maternity aisle at the consignment store. Carefully packing away Danica's outgrown clothes instead of giving them away. I could go on.

For as long as I can remember I always only wanted one child. I make it a rule to never say never and I stuck to it. Good thing because here I am, admitting to myself and to you that I want another.

So I find myself faced with questions. How far am I willing to go this time? How long am I willing to try? I cannot ~ CANNOT ~ allow myself to become swallowed up whole by Infertility this time. I simply cannot. I need limits.

I just don't know what those limits are.

Blueberry

2008-02-21T05:47:00.002-05:00

It's five am. What do you do when you can't sleep?

This is a first for me. I went to bed craving blueberry bread. Something I have never had, and woke up still wanting it. So, I am currently baking some. It will be ready by 6:30.

I think not needing sleep is a sign of getting older. I suppose this will work to my advantage once I have a newborn. But for now it's just irritating. I am currently awake for 17 hours a day. When I could easily be sleeping for at least another five. But no, I am shaken awake by my cat, and unable to fall back asleep. The cat however is quick to find a spot to curl up once he see's I am out of bed.

my punk

2008-02-20T15:51:00.004-05:00

you know. if you would have asked me about 15 years ago where i would be at the age of 28, i would have never thought the single mom to a child with mild CP, a seizure disorder, ADHD and a learning delay.

i would probably think that i would be still partying, doing my thing. but with it all, the stress, tears of happiness and sadness, breakthroughs and not so much, i would not change my life at all.

that little punk keeps me smiling and laughing every day of the week.

this photo is what happens when you leave your camera out and she sees her mother take so many self portraits that she has mastered it herself. ok well not so much mastered but i think its a pretty cool shot.

the month of feb marks a little mile stone for us. its been 5 years since her last seizure. 5 years! this gives me so much hope for this monkey of mine. before she started on this med she is on now (Clobazam) she was on Valproic and was still averaging about one seizure a month. we did the switch over and ever since, nothing.

when we were at the constant seizure time i always worried about her growing up. going to sleepovers, unable to drive because we cant control them. but now the sky is the limit and i coulnt be more proud and thankful to our Neuro and her guardian angels that keep an eye on her (my 2 grandmothers)

She is the most amazing little girl. full of love to give and everyone that meets her loves her that much in return.

that is all :)

2008-02-20T10:07:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I over did my workout. I went cross country skiing twice, and painted the nursery. The only part of my body that is rebelling are the muscles that connect my legs to my torso.

I will take today off to recover.

Instead, I will go shopping and probably hunch over my sewing machine. I have all kinds of ideas swimming in my head.

Friday my crib arrives, as does my sister. She designed a mural for the nursery and we are going to paint it this weekend.

I got my Rh shot this week from a very frazzled midwife who is filling in for my usual midwife while she's on vacation. She kept saying sorry for having to cancel then re-scheduling the same day. I felt like saying "I literally have nothing to do, I stay at home with my pets, relax". But let her spin around.

I am thankful for the midwife I have.

The baby has turned, I figured as much as my ribs are taking a beating. Hopefully he stays this way. I hope to have the nursery complete by next week. Pictures will follow.

Dads confess

2008-02-15T15:27:00.004-05:00

Well now I found this site awhile ago and have been mulling it over since.

I actually saw a blurb about it in a parenting magazine and popped by out of curiousity.

True Dad Confessions? Who wouldn't want to read more?

To be honest I still don't know what to think. At first I found it amusing and maybe a little enlightening. But the more I read the more discouraged I became. It seems that about 9 out of 1o of these entries are written by unhappily married men. And mostly it seems that they're wives are clueless to how unhappy they are. Frenchie happened by as I was reading page after page of these confessions and I read him a few. Glumly, I asked him if he ever felt like some of these fellows.

He told me that he did not and I shouldn't read too much into it because happy husbands don't have much need to "confess". I can see his point but I still felt depressed about it.

Some made me smile:

I secretly love chubby chicks.

I wish that instead of getting a tax credit for each kid, I got a lifetime supply of aspirin.

Some made me stop and think:

My wife never dresses up sexy in the bedroom, even though she is HOT when she does (did). :-(

Some made me happy:

Brought the little guy to preschool this morning, only to return home to find my beautiful wife in bed waiting for me. It was nice not to have to lock the door for a change and to keep the noise down. Today was great!

I have a crazy wife and I LOVE her. Why settle for a boring one when she gives me a run for my money. Sure I would like a women to give into my every whim but a challenge is alot more fun.

But most? Most made me upset:

She asked me if it was worth it (marriage, kids, etc). I told her yes. I lied.

I overheard her talking about how good she is at faking orgasms....good thing she has no idea that I am even better at faking fidelity.

Valentines Day, just what we needed to remind us of the sh*tty marriages we are in.

All these examples were borrowed from the first 3 pages. Do men really feel like this? Trapped? Burdened?

It is eye-opening to peruse this site and I'm not saying it doesn't have it's uses. If it helps men get it all out anonymously then great but I just hate to think about the unhappiness.

Just as I was going to write this post I happened upon the Mom's equivalent site. I had no idea this existed. I hope it doesn't depress me as much as the Dad one does....

Some worry for my hubby, and for me

2008-02-15T09:28:00.001-05:00

Well, Tim complained of shortness of breath, and sharp chest pains. So, after a call to his doctor's office, and leaving a message there, we got a call back. From the doctor. Head to the Gatineau hospital. He's there now, having a series of blood tests, and an EKG done. *crosses fingers her hubby will be okay*.

What I can't get over is the irony of Valentine's Day just yesterday, and heart trouble. :P

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

2008-02-14T19:43:00.003-05:00

Happy Love Day fellow mommy's, lurkers, daddy's, and bloglander's, oh and you also, in the back there, the one that was looking for ottawa milf porn but came across us instead (suckah).

hope you all got lots of love, the kids were happy with all their valentines and yeah ok its just an excuse to spend more money and i am sure i would enjoy this holiday more if say i was a flower shop owner or even the walmart owner but hey. its all good. i got a lovely good morning happy love day kiss and hug from my girl child this morning. we had a nice dinner and she helped me with the dishes.

could i really ask for a better day?

♥

Look, up in the sky!

2008-02-14T15:24:00.007-05:00

Finally, a few minutes to blog!

Just so everyone's clear, stay-at-home-parent does not actually mean that one is home all the time. Far from it. In fact, my schedule is probably fuller than it would be if I wasn't "at home". Between Declan's preschool (I volunteer there), Aerik's primary school (I volunteer there), Jackson's playgroup (you guessed it: I volunteer there, too), Aerik's blues band and piano lesson (every Monday night for two hours), appointments for everyone (including speech therapy, fittings and repairs of hearing aids with the audioprostheticist, my own therapy to deal with how insane my life is), cleaning, cooking, making lunches, grocery shopping... you get the idea. Then, when I attempt to sit down for a few minutes I get bombarded with demands from... Oh, right! Those kids! I'm so busy I nearly forgot I had kids.

That's the problem with life these days, isn't it? We're all terribly impressed with ourselves and our Super Mom complexes that sometimes forget what all of this is about: the children. And before anyone vehemently denies this claim, let me just say that I'm on to you. I know you feel it, too. That pressure to perform perfectly in nearly every task. That desire to be the mentally sound Desperate Housewife, or Desperate Working Woman, or whatever you are. To have it all: The looks, the balanced chequebook, the well-behaved children, the loving relationship, the sparkling house... And if you're one of the few who doesn't wish they could have all those things, then you're either in the thick of denial or incredibly healthy in the head. Either way, congratulations!

Every now and then I wonder if I, Amanda Knox, could be a Super Mom. I imagine preparing home-cooked meals every night with an apron fastened tightly against my flat stomach (the one I'd have by going to the gym three days per week), happily running the Home & School committee and coming home to rose petals sprinkled all over the bed by my doting husband.

Then, of course, I wake up and smell the Kraft Dinner. I can't have it all, you see. It's simply impossible. If I go to the gym three times per week then I have to either find childcare (which would cost enough that I couldn't afford the gym) or go out in the evenings (my husband would be too tired to have anything laid out on the bed but himself, snoring). If make home-cooked meals every night I won't be able to play on the floor with the kids while the pizza is busy being delivered. If having a spotless house was that important to me I'd have to check into a mental facility to deal with the stress of toys on the floor in the *gasp* playroom!

At any rate, I'm fairly pleased with my mediocrity.

(Must go. My cape is stuck in the washer...)

are you freakin kidding me?

2008-02-13T16:05:00.003-05:00

ok so Emma's dad is a total dead beat. the reason she is gone with him every weekend is not because he loves his child so much and wants to spend as much time as humanly possible with her. it is because he cant afford the measly 200$ child support payment he is supposed to give me so that is the next best thing i could come up with short of going back to court.

so she comes home sunday night. she had been starting a mild ear infection last week. i asked them to keep an eye on it. really simple right? if it gets worse bring her to the dr, if it gets better, great.

so he brings her home and tells me that he doesnt know what is wrong with her and that he thinks maybe she had a seizure or something because she is acting funny. i said 'well. if it was a seizure you would kind of know cause she pukes all over the place. did she puke? no? ok so not a seizure'. then she takes off her toque and i look at her. her right ear and side of her face is swollen, bad. the ear is bright red and there is stuff oozing from it. i asked if he bothered to even look at her.

how the F*UCK can you miss that? so then he says he will come monday and drive us to the dr. suprise, he stayed in bed all day and didnt call until like 3 pm when the walkin dr was gone. it was like -30° here that day so i wasnt making the poor thing walk and i am so broke that i cant afford a cab right now.

yesterday morning i walked her over, it was still cold but thankfully the wind wasnt as horrid. she has a middle and outer ear infection and is on yet another round of antibiotics and drops four times a day for a week. now he had not called here since late monday afternoon. i asked Emma to call his house and leave a message saying we are home and to call her back.

the guy never called. i called him at 4pm today. he answered half asleep and i said 'nice of you to call'. the answer i got? 'yeah i didnt check the answering machine until just like an hour ago.'

then, THEN! oh it just keeps getting better i swear. i said. 'so, you worked a job for 4 entire weeks and keep giving me this line of bs that you have yet to get paid.where is the money and i want some this week. i am broke. i cant even afford milk without scrounging for change in the couch and i have been spending money on meds for OUR daughter that YOU keep bringing home sick for ME to deal with because YOU are too stupid'. ready for this? he actually told me to fu*k off, he doesnt have time for this sh*t and hung up on me. i swear to god. one day i will kill him and i will justify it by means of pure insanity, the insanity he makes me feel by being so friggin stupid. *pulls her hair out a little*

he has yet to call back and is ignoring the phone. &*($&#*(#)%& *&*($* @(#*)($*(@#*$

2008-02-13T07:22:00.002-05:00

After eating an entire pot of soup I was sure I would be sick forever. I stayed in bed or on the couch, in a half sleep half ache wearing the same fluffy pink night gown with unwashed hair, (but for some reason shaved legs) that I had put on two nights before.

The highlight of my day was knowing that hubby would be home soon. He took the afternoon off which meant that he might be home before dark. I sent him a message to pick up some truck-stop gingerale because water was starting to taste like puke.

I tried peppermint tea, and it tasted very good and I drank an entire pot. The only problem with drinking a lot of tea at once is you are chained to the bathroom for a couple hours after. At one point I went to the bathroom, then immediatly sneezed, thus peeing myself. How does this happen? Oh I forgot, I am pregnant.

At 4:30 hubby pulled in the driveway, and along with gingerale he had got me flowers. He said the flowers were to make me feel better. I am pretty sure this is the first time he has bought me flowers "out of the blue" in the 10 years we have been together.

Exhausted from my day of sleeping, and hubby nursing a strained back we turned in around 6:30. By 10:00 pm, on one of my many bathroom trips I realized that I had slept, and I didn't feel like death anymore. By 2:00am I felt amazing, Hubby on the otherhand was just getting up to go to work and was hobbling around like a cripple. I told him the flowers worked.

By 7:00am I feel a million times better. Almost good enough to shovel the pile of snow we got last night....almost.

Size "does" matter

2008-02-12T11:23:00.000-05:00

I posted this to my own blog but wanted to share it here, as well. Because yeah, I do agree with the assertion that #4 is true. That, yes, you do fall in love with your baby. It's such a warm, wonderful, cuddly time. I can recall, with Victoria, my second baby, that those first few minutes of feeling her feeding were such joy for me. I'd had to have a Cesarean operation, and was lying, flat on a gurney. One of the best decisions I think I've even made was to have a dear friend who was a doula (Ginette Bertrand) be there. She gave the baby sips of formula right after her birth, when they said she needed supplementing. She also was right there, holding the baby for me, as Victoria fed. I recall having tears of joy, and happiness, and just feeling that "pleasure" feeling as she fed. Mind you, we ended up having real issues with Victoria and her suck pattern, but that's another story.

And my goodness, who here doesn't agree with #5? :P Warm feet, via a foot massage with peppermint foot cream from the Body Shop. *grins at the memory* How I got Tim to give me comfort while pregnant. Yeah! And the nice thing about it, is that it's a way of you both loosening up. It usually leads to something nicer ;)

And wow, yes, at #6. That giddy "OMG I want to kiss him all night long!" definitely fades away. But it's no less the feeling of "love" meaning that in the Greek term of Eros: passionate, caring, sensual love of all the senses. It's just a less intense feeling, but that returns when he kisses you and makes your knees shake (or whatever).

Sick

2008-02-12T06:32:00.000-05:00

I was being cocky. My excellent immune system wouldn't let me down. It has been 11 months since I have been sick. I know the last time because it was when I started my new job, a sinus infection and flu last spring.

Now I am layed up at home again. Not that I have anywhere to go, but I feel like death warmed over. I was hoping it would be one of those 24hr bugs, but no such luck.

Being sick is not fun, being sick while pregnant is even less fun. Drugs that offer brief periods of relief are forbidden. Sleep which was near impossible before is just a memory. It's only been a day but it feels like forever. I am such a baby, except I don't have someone to take care of me :(

One clone, please, preferably wealthy.

2008-02-11T23:15:00.000-05:00

Oh, if only I could just have one extra me, life would be so much easier.

I haven't contributed to the Ottawa Moms blog in over a week, for no other reason than it's been simply too busy to do so. I would like to point out that I am a mother to three boys, who all require an incredible 110% of my time, energy and attention. I field several "Come see this!" calls daily, as well as endless piles of laundry, several mystery stain cleanups on everything from babies to baseboards, at least five referee stints in an evening and I moonlight as a perpetual dishwasher. I'm starting to consider sock sorting an enjoyable hobby because I get to sit while I do it.

I've been trying to scale back our hectic lifestyle. Not only due to the obvious time restraints going on, but also because most things we do cost money. And try as I might, I can't find a single money tree in the backyard. This does not bode well for the $2000 we need to shell out at the end of the month for Declan's new hearing aids. While they're normally covered by the Quebec government in their entirety every seven years, it's only been two. We lost them when we moved last summer. Somewhere in the 2KMs separating our old and new homes, there is a pair of child's hearing aids. We miss them and wish they would find their way back. However, after emptying every single box, searching every pocket, every drawer and both vehicles several times over several months, we've had to admit defeat. On February 26th, Declan will receive his new hearing aids and I will be dancing a jig of joy because the television will once again be at a reasonable volume. The house will not sound like it's in the middle of a Backyardigans concert. That alone is worth $2000.

Still, with only one income this is going to require some careful budgeting. Mark and I are not strangers to the concept of budgets. In fact, we prepare one every two weeks and it includes everything from mortgage payments to coffee money. However, I've discovered that having a budget is not enough; sticking to it is actually important, too. Who knew? If I have $200 to spend at the grocery store, I can't spend $240. If I have $5 left for entertainment purposes, I can't buy myself dinner. A joykill, I know, but crucial if we want to avoid the debt trap we were in only a few short years ago.

Staying home costs nothing, so staying home I shall do more of until these hearing aids are paid off. In the meantime I can console myself with my very clean house (I'll have lots of time for that), the need for only half a clone (the half with arms would be best, so that I may prop it on a stool to wash some dishes), some delicious homemade coffee and endless free entertainment, like blogging. I may also invade the homes of my friends without the usual Tim Hortons coffees in hand. They might have to haul out their coffee makers, but I'd like to think my company is worth it most days.

So, you will undoubtedly see more of me 'round these parts now that I'm terribly poor. However, I may spend at least some of that time trying to uncover that money tree. It must be back there somewhere...

She Crawls!

2008-02-11T20:38:00.000-05:00

2 days after I posted about my little late bloomer,Danica started crawling.

And here's proof:

I am one proud Mama!

Seriously!

2008-02-08T20:53:00.000-05:00

So, I've been on the diet bandwagon for about a month now. I'm taking the slow and steady approach because unlike the other times in my life that I've lost weight, this time I would like to keep it off.

Once I get to my goal weight (which is eons away) I've decided that the best thing for me to do is to continue to weigh myself regularly. And by regularly I mean a couple of times a week if not every day.

I know people (yeah you, Mom) that won't go near a scale with a 10 foot pole but I really think that in my case it may help me keep things under control. Honestly now, we all now when we're gaining weight and when we're in a gain patter, who goes near a scale? Not me. I ignore the scale and the way it mocks me.

As if ignoring it will make me gain weight more slowly.

But if I pledge to weigh myself regularly than I can't plead ignorance. I'll see the results when I binge.

So that's my plan.

But in the meantime, I'm dealing with hunger. I'm eating well. 3 meals a day that are nutritious and filling. I drink gallons of water. But in the evenings the hunger gnaws at my belly and won't let me forget it. It's all I can do to not have a snack and one of my goals is to cut out night time snacking. I would have thought that after a month of behaving myself the evening hunger twangs would have dissipated. I mean, seriously!

Anyone got any tips for handling this hunger?

Boy needs jaws of life to escape washing machine

2008-02-06T16:22:00.000-05:00

Amanda, I think this is one thing your boys haven't done, yet. LOL! Gotten trapped in a washing machine, and needed the jaws of life to escape. Story.

Oh my God. The poor mother. I can't imagine how silly at first she must've felt, then how worried, and then how relieved. Wow. One can only hope that we don't go down the same path. I laugh, and yet I feel bad, at the same time for the family.

The Late Bloomer

2008-02-06T10:39:00.000-05:00

I'm finding it really difficult not to fall into that Mommy trap of comparisons. I stay away from Mommy and baby playgroups and the like partly for that very reason.

But...

I read a lot of blogs and invariably other babies of Danica's age are further ahead in their milestones. I don't really get it. She's sooooo busy and curious. Constantly on the move and jabbering incessantly. But she rolled late. She sat late. Now she won't crawl even though she's been rocking on all fours for a couple of months now. She likes to stand up but her balance doesn't seem to be improving.

Although she does say Mama and Dada she doesn't really say them in relation to us.

It's so hard to not worry. I guess I never considered that a baby of mine would be a late bloomer. How does one avoid comparing and wondering?

It's so easy to get wrapped up in what she doesn't do instead of what she does do. She is able to point out my buttons when I ask her where the buttons are. She waves. She claps. She shakes her head "no". She rolls all the time to wherever she wants to go.

But I just can't get past the fact that in other areas she lags behind. I like to blame it on her father. He has a somewhat lax attitude about getting around to stuff. And I guess no one would accuse me of being a "go getter".

I guess she's just taking after her folks.

Baby brain is a "real" condition

2008-02-05T20:42:00.000-05:00

Well, they've gone ahead and proved it. ABC story from the Australian Broadcasting Service. Yup, just like we all suspected, having babies does make us more forgetful. LOL. Man, I'll never forget the time I stuck a steak into the microwave. Just wanted to defrost it. But.... hit high for 7 minutes. :( Ugh..... shoe leather on the outer edges, and raw meat at the very center of it. That's when I *KNEW* I had baby brain, or whatever you want to call it.

What are some of your experiences?

is winter over yet?

2008-02-05T15:44:00.000-05:00

i seriously hate winter. i hate the cold, i hate the damp, i hate almost falling on your ass when you go out, i hate the wet boots and socks, i hate the salt stained puddles at my front door any time someone comes in. and i especially hate the short days.

i love spring and summer. i like going for a walk after dinner and the sun is still bright and warm on your face, taking Emma to swim every day, going to the park, feeding the ducks.

and camping. good god i wish it was camping season right now. i dont care if i get eaten alive by mosquitoes and possibly get bird flu. i freaking LOVE it. i like getting dirty, swimming in the lakes and cooking spider wieners while half corked over a fire.

bleh. at least we are in Feb now. its getting to the end. thank goodness. soon ill be counting down the days until the time change. lol.

Final Stretch

2008-02-03T16:33:00.001-05:00

Today marks the beginning of my third trimester.

I am finding one of the most annoying symptoms is not being able to think, or string words together. I have written this post three times and have erased it because it made no sense.

I have 13 weeks to go. I have gained 20 pounds, and 10 inches on my stomach. Thanks to working out everyday I have mananged to keep inches off my butt and thighs. I have only gained 1/2 inch there. This is a small miracle concidering the amount of danishes and low sodium chips I have eaten.

Other than that, this pregnancy has been quite fun. The baby is now on a sleep cycle, I know the time without needing a clock. He's up at 7, 10, 4 repeat, we'll see if this is the same out of the womb.

Speaking of sleep, in a marathon of sewing I finished the baby blanket to match the curtains. I am somewhat happy with how it turned out. It was my first blanket so mistakes were made. I doubt the baby will notice.

I am off to Toronto for a week, I will catch up with everyone when I return!

Anything but Traditional

2008-02-03T15:07:00.001-05:00

Today marked the tail end of Winterlude's opening weekend here in the National Capital Region. So we woke up early, packed a snack, herded all three boys into the van and.... avoided downtown like the plague (well, we drove through it, but didn't stop)...

I know that saying this could be construed as near treason to other locals, but I really don't like Winterlude. I like the idea of it, but I don't enjoy the actual event at all. On the surface it has elements I could really sink my teeth into, such as ice sculptures, children's activities and food. But dig a little deeper and you'll uncover some unpleasantries: crowds, cold weather, and expense. I love Beavertails as much as the next person, but not when the price is so overinflated you would think they were sprinkled with gold and not cinnamon. I enjoy outdoor activities in reasonable weather, and in places where my five-year-old doesn't have to wait in line for 20 minutes to use a port-a-potty.

After several stressful, expensive trips to large events like this, we've decided we're a family that enjoys a lower-key lifestyle. Generally speaking, we prefer movie rentals instead of theatres, local parks instead of amusement parks, hikes in the forest instead of organized sports, and, as was the case today, a nice brunch out followed by a trip to the Canada Science and Technology Museum (which was fairly quiet, I can assume, because everyone was at Winterlude). What catches a boy's fancy more than trains or rockets? They have a brand new exhibit called Beyond the Trees, which is about how Canada is attempting to protect and manage its forests. I highly recommend it.

We love our local museums and go at least once or twice per month. It's a great way to spend an afternoon, and everyone walks away having been enlightened to some degree. In a world of game consoles and reality television, museums offer much needed brain exercise and family time.

I sometimes wonder if the boys will feel they missed out on something by not joining a hockey club or going to the Super Ex every year. Maybe, but I'm willing to take that gamble. Because, while they're denied a regular influx of cotton candy or goalie gear, they're also missing out on all the stress meeting those expectations would cause.

Besides, our outings are great because... well, we're on them! I hope when our kids look back on their years growing up they'll overlook not riding that big roller coaster but remember that we were together and happy. Very happy.

Crib Notes

2008-02-01T10:43:00.000-05:00

When I was pregnant and obsessing about the nursery decor, I bought a crib set that I liked. It was restful and versatile and cute. I spent about $70 on it but now I know that it was money better left in my bank account.

Upon further research I learned that cribs should be pretty "naked". No bumper pads, no excessive blankets, no toys. According to the Journal of Pediatrics bumpers pose more of a risk than anything else.

The more reading I did, the more worried I became. Then I found Grobags. What a lifesaver. No worrying about blankets over baby's head. No worrying if she has kicked off her blankets. We could all sleep a little easier knowing we'd done the most we could for our baby's safety.

Grobags can be ordered online but can also be found at Babies R Us and at Here We Grow Again. I'm sure that there are more places in the city that sell them but those are the 2 places that I've had the most luck at. They're not cheap but they really are the best out of all the baby sleeping bags out there. And they're worth the peace of mind.

Another point about the naked crib that we learned was that if we had any hope of Danica sleeping we needn't bother with mobiles and whatnot. We have a Fisher Price Aquarium, a Winnie the Pooh projector and a mobile but none of these are ever used if we want her to sleep. They too easily engage her and there's no way she'll sleep. If I didn't use them to amuse her on occasion, they would all be in the back of the closet with the crib bumpers.

Speaking of the bumpers, anyone got any ideas as to something constructive that I can do with them? Seems a waste.

TV! TV! TV! Oi! Oi! Oi!

2008-01-31T17:00:00.000-05:00

if you are a hardcore tv buff like me, youll be pleased to know that TONIGHT lost starts again at 9.

also. February 7th, Survivor Fans vs. Favs starts

AND the first winter Big Brother Starts February 12th.

can i get a Woot Woot?!?!

PS: i am totally putting this here for my own selfish reasons. i have the worst mommy brain in the world and forget everything. if i post it here i know i can find the dates next week when i set the PVR LOL

ugh

2008-01-31T12:34:00.000-05:00

i dont know who heard about this story
but oh. my. god.

i heard about it yesterday while i was watching young and the restless. (shut up. i am a die hard fan and have been since i was just a little girl.)

anyways, they always do a news update a few times during the show at commercial and they said something along the lines of 'more news about the 1 year old found frozen to death in the -50° weather in Saskatchewan.'

my jaw dropped. i was going to watch it but Emma took over the tv and i got to cleaning the kitchen and forgot.

then i actually read the story this morning and it just broke my heart. i hate being cold. can you imagine those poor little monkeys out there with nothing on? it just makes me so sad.

i dont even know what to say about the whole thing. :*(

Calgary mum makes a big mistake

2008-01-31T07:39:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you've heard the story by now about the Calgary mum who left two babies in a locked, unheated SUV? Yes, I've done something as stupid as that, but not as long, when paying for gas, and then waiting, and waiting in the lineup. You anxiously watch the car, tapping your foot. I think every Mum has had one or two incidents like this type of one per year. Most, thankfully, don't make the national news. But it's a good, cautionary tale. What if somebody broke into it and stole that vehicle? Yeah, the chances are slim but you never know.

It's damn hard to balance the load, at times, I know. You are tired yourself. The baby is sleeping. Let him rest you think. But, no, that's not safe. Listen to those little Mummy voices that whisper "Danger".

My own scariest incident was this. When Sarah was about 3, roughly, we'd done a walk around the block in the winter. I was pushing baby Victoria in her car seat/stroller combo. Just as we were finishing our walk I checked both ways and then walked across and up the driveway towards our door. Suddenly, behind me I heard the sound of wheels jamming, and sliding on snow. I whipped around. Sarah, who'd been glued to my side on the walk, was still in the middle of the road. A car had stopped, sideways, inches from her. Oh God, that was awful. A momentary lapse on my part, by not checking Sarah's location, and making sure she was beside me could have been tragic. So, see every Mum has these "God's gifts" as I call them. Little brushes that could be tragic but thankfully God saves the day.

I hope I don't offend anyone, but yes, obviously I do believe in a God, up there, somewhere. :)

Please, listen to those little voices that say "Be careful". It's up to us to protect these little ones.

Unexpected

2008-01-30T19:59:00.000-05:00

It's no secret that I don't want to go back to work. I'd rather stay at home with my sweet baby girl and wear track pants 90% of the time. But the long and short of it is that I HAVE to go back.

So this week I'm working half days to help out during an extremely busy time for the coworkers I left behind. It turns out that this was a great decision. I've been on the clock since Monday afternoon and will wonders never cease but I'm kind of enjoying myself! Go figure.

Let me just admit now to both myself and to you that I would still much rather be home playing with Danica. She is the light of my life and my reason for being but putting my mind to some problem solving and working on deadlines has done wonders for my demeanor.

I feel great. I feel challenged and engaged and..... useful. I hesitate to use that word but it's the best I can come up with after 10 months of Mommy Brain. I loved pushing through the piles of work. I loved training an employee how to do her job. I was actually pleased to bring a box of work home with me because I know how much a difference I'm making in the lives of my coworkers by doing so.

All this was most unexpected.

So even though the thought of going back to work full-time come April still tears at my heart, I know that it's not as bad as I've been dreading. I can do this. I have to do this. We will all survive.

Symptoms return

2008-01-30T13:04:00.000-05:00

For the past week heartburn has returned. The constant, doesn't-matter-what-I-eat-where-did-I-put-the-Rolaids type of burn. I hope this means my baby will have a full head of hair. My husband was born bald, but I had hair. Hopefully some of my genes don't get trumped by his.

My need for sweet food has increased as well. I almost did a mid-air arm pump when I remembered my sister stuffing chocolate bars into my knapsack before I left her place yesterday. I had forgotten until now. I have two left, should hold me until tomorrow.

Can weight gain really be called a symptom? I am 26 weeks and have gained 20lbs. So far only on my boobs and stomach. The tape measure says so! Even though hubby says my ass is definitely bigger.

I think my hour of cardio everyday is keeping the chocolate bars and danishes from finding permanent residence on my ass.

Speaking of gaining weight. Hubby just called, looks like he will be home tonight! Time to find something wonderful to cook for dinner.

I'm so thankful for breadmakers

2008-01-30T10:38:00.000-05:00

Man, I am so thankful I have a breadmaker today. Makes it darn easy to get a loaf going, and then forget about it! I just don't want to go out driving in that mess of water, snow and wind. Ugh!

and we have a diagnosis

2008-01-29T14:25:00.000-05:00

fever was still very there this morning. so i gave her some advil and waited for that to kick in and then took her over, in the cold damp crappy weather, to the clinic.

seems she has bronchitis. rovery.

so she was put on the lovely banana flavored amoxocillin. this will be fun. Emma hates bananas and all things banana tasting.

it is like the one thing in the world the kid wont eat. and it has to be the flavor of the meds.

yipee.

so he said she is safe to head back to school once the fever is gone. ill prob keep her home tomorrow and then send her thursday.

Sleet, sleet, go away...

2008-01-29T13:35:00.000-05:00

Anyone in the Ottawa-Gatineau area would be hard pressed to crack a smile when they looked out the window this morning. What started as a light snowfall quickly turned into blistering cold winds and sharp ice pellets on the face. The lucky ones got to stay home and close the blinds. The rest of us had to brave the less-than-perfect weather. Where's the justice?

Not only did I have to go out in the joyful mess, but I had to do it with two grumpy children. Declan had preschool this morning and I had to open up the playgroup Jackson and I attend on Tuesdays because the usual key person was home with a sick child. I practically dragged a screaming Declan down the road to school because he claimed he couldn't see with the ice pellets hitting his face (a good argument, although my argument that standing still wasn't getting us out of the bad weather any faster was better). Meanwhile I was holding Jackson with a runny nose mess down his face, a school bag, a purse and a bag containing snacks for playgroup (it was my turn to provide snack - yet another reason to force myself out the door).

Two screaming children, one distraught mother and a whole lot of bad weather. What a fun Tuesday!

Days like today make me want to take my hat off to parents everywhere who need to bring their children out of the home on a daily basis, through rain, sleet, snow and tantrums. Because, while there are some downsides to being a stay-at-home-mom, one of the "perks", if you will, is that I can sometimes choose to, well, stay-at-home. Had I not committed myself to running the playgroup and providing snack today, I would have called Declan's school, curled up on the couch and watched Treehouse TV with my boys.

However, I must stress how much I love going to playgroup. I always snicker to myself when someone tells me their children are getting a lot out of it. Truth be told, I go for me and the fact that Jackson likes it is a side benefit. Selfish, but true. It's a scheduled outing in a safe environment where my toddler can run off and enjoy himself while I have a cup of coffee and chat. Our group this year is wonderful, too. Mostly moms but we also have a few really great stay-at-home-dads; a sign of changing times. Seeing how nurturing and loving these fathers are is heartwarming. I love how roles are becoming less about gender and more about who has the skills to do the job best.

I'm happy to say that it only took about five minutes to scrape off the van for the drive home. I also managed to grab a sandwich/coffee/donut combo at Tim Hortons, which I only ate after doing pilates, which Jackson let me do because he's been asleep for two hours(!!)

The weather outside is frightful, but Amanda is feeling far more delightful.

Makes me sad to read about Sexually Transmitted Diseases on the rise

2008-01-29T09:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah, this article does make me sad. It's a case of people not realizing what the consequences could be of sex. They just think "oh okay I won't get pregnant, at least". Honey, that's the least of your worries!

The really sad fact was that I had no idea I had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID). None at all. It was like "what the heck is that?" when the doctor at the Civic told me. Then I started informing myself, of the issues, and treatments. Yes, I went to the Ottawa General Library and sat and read Fertility and Sterility (yes there is a publication with that name). Scary stuff when you read that the average IVF cycle has a success rate of about 25%, which is about the same as a natural conception rate. Basically surgery to remove "adhesions" and IVF are about the same success rate (or were in early 1998).

I just hope somebody, out there, reads my blog posting and realizes, before it's too late what the consequences are. I don't mind being a spokesperson for the cause. LOL! Nah, any sense of modesty flies out the window when you discuss how well your little eggs did in the petri dish with the doctor. LOL~ That's sure "romantic". *laughs*

Anyhow, woo hoo first post. Thanks for telling me to blog about it Shauna. I was being shy (a bit).

The End is Near

2008-01-28T20:26:00.000-05:00

What a week!

Oh, you mean it's only Monday?

Cripes.

I'm working half days this week. Back to the job after almost 10 months of being a way. After this week I'm back to enjoying what's left of my Mat Leave. By 'what's left', I mean not even 3 months and that just depresses the hell out of me.

I figured this was a good way to dip my toe into the waters of the life of a working mom. I'd really rather not go anywhere near the water at all but life being what it is, I have to go back to work.

I'm really struggling with the whole thing.

Cough.. Cough.. Ugh

2008-01-28T07:52:00.000-05:00

So its the season right. kids are sick. anyone with a brain cell knows this and knows that if the kid is not acting herself, first thing you do is... check for a fever right?

so for a week or so Emma has had a stuffy nose. no big deal. nothing to write home, or blog about. friday she started a cough. it was at night so i figured it was just the cold finally trying to leave her body or something.

Saturday morning she goes to her dads. comes home last night and he says she was coughing all saturday. fine. no problem.

so then she tells me about 5 mins after coming in that she didnt eat much at dinner. this is very abnormal for Emma because she could eat anyone out of house and home. so i ask why and it seems she has a sore throat. so i go to check her glands and she is BURNING up.

take her temp, she has a fever of 102°. can you imagine? she isnt acting herself, she wasnt eating, and she is obviously sick. would common sense not have told her father to check her head? so god knows when this fever started.

this had happened before with him also. she came home with a fever and he said 'well i dont know. you spend more time with her to know all this stuff'. loser

so here we are. the fever went down last night after advil but is back up today. she is vegging out in my bed today. im going to run to the store shortly and get her some Princess soup. Princess soup always makes little girls feel better.

poor little monkey. i hate when she is sick like that. that is when i wish i could just take it away with a wave of a wand. i must get on some wand waving lessons.

Speeding Makes Mommy Upset

2008-01-25T13:53:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or are drivers in this city getting more and more impatient and reckless?

A few minutes ago I was coming home from a playdate with Declan and Jackson in the van (Well, actually I had driven past our house to hit the Tim Hortons up the road for an after-playdate coffee, but anyway...) and there was a man in a black pickup truck following me up the road.

There are four elementary schools on the street, including the one our eleven-year-old goes to.

In the Gatineau area, one must go no faster than 30KM/hr in school zones between the hours of 7AM and 5PM, Monday-Friday, September through June. All of these rules are posted on every school zone sign so that it is easily read in both official languages. It's not rocket science. You see a school zone, you slow down. You leave the school zone, you speed up again. What's hard about that?

These laws work when people are patient. Unfortunately, the guy in the pickup truck was anything but. He tailgated me through the first cluster of schools as I did 35-40KM (which is technically speeding, but keeping a 6 cylinder van at 30KM is tricky at best when someone is tailgating it). When it came to the fourth and final school on the road (my eldest son's) we were heading uphill, so I let go of the gas to slow down again.

Once I got to 40KM, Pickup Guy decided he had had enough. He passed me on a solid line, going uphill, during the day, on a school day, in a school zone just so that he could get to the red light at the top of the hill, where ironically there sits a police station.

I can't even begin to describe how much red I was seeing by this point. Road rage doesn't overcome me easily, but throw in a stressful couple of days, a teething toddler, a tired preschooler and a man who doesn't care who he endangers as long as he gets to his destination at light speed, and you have a recipe for one angry mother. In a single act of selfishness he put himself and a family at risk, not to mention broke a law set up to protect young children (who were thankfully all safely inside the school).

I admit to being a bit of a jerk myself at this point. I swore (hopefully not loud enough for my kids to hear over the Backyardigans movie playing in the back), flashed my brights and laid on my horn. Obviously this did a lot of nothing, unless you count making me look foolish and out of control. He, in turn, ignored me.

I was secretly hoping he'd also be turning into the Tim Hortons so I could give him a piece of my mind, but in hindsight I'm glad he didn't. I can't be a stay-at-home-vigilante. I can do my part to make the world a safer place, but interventions like that are best left up to the police.

I know some readers may be snickering under their breath, thinking 'Quebec drivers', but I'd have to disagree with that stereotype. I'm in Ottawa regularly and I see just as many careless traffic violations across the bridge as I do here. It's not a Quebec thing, it's a societal problem and we need to start treating the cause and not just the symptom.

People are stressed, families are overworked and overtired. Everybody's in a rush and nobody really knows where they're going. As Ottawa-Gatineau is still growing by leaps and bounds we're going to see a lot more of this. Traffic is getting worse. Some people are so frazzled that their minds don't even process how their actions can have dire consequences. But being late for an appointment is far less devastating than causing someone's death trying to get there on time.

I admit to feeling a little jolt of glee inside every time someone gets ticketed in a school zone, or for doing 150KM on the 417. That feeling is only temporary, however, as I know they'll do it again and again and again. A slap on the wrist doesn't seem to stop them.

Still, I wonder: How do we curb this problem? Is graduated licensing the answer? Stricter penalties? More police surveillance? Better public transit?

I wish I knew. I'm just glad that we're safe at home for another day and I didn't throw a coffee at someone's windshield out of spite. Shame on me for even thinking that!

The Sadden Silk Uncertian...

2008-01-25T12:28:00.000-05:00

I put my head down and a powered through finishing my nursery room curtains today. Focusing intently on stitching around each bird my hair got stuck in the sewing machine tread advance.

I am beyond happy with how they turned out. I immediately sent photographs to my sisters and a friend. The first comment back was "Are they for your nursery? Why are they pink?" Pink? Huh...I guess they do look pink. Great, the curtains I spent hours on are pink when held up to light.

I made my boy pink curtains. I'll just say they are from "The Raven" and call them purple.

Have a happy period my arse

2008-01-24T17:44:00.000-05:00

ok so seriously. i have ranted about this before in my other blog and i think i will rant again.

the man, (you know its a man because no woman in their right mind would come up with such a stupid slogan), that came up with this ridiculous slogan i would like to find and kick in the nuts. hard. wearing a stilleto.

who the hell has a happy period. you are bloated, cranky, bleeding from your hoohah, headachey, sore, craving chocolate, set off my everything because of all this, but you know, have a happy period.

its like some dolt that works for Always got drunk with his Always buddies one night after leaving his period ridden girlfriend home for the night and while getting plastered, said sarcastically 'lets call her and tell her we are toasting her and tell her to have a happy period'.

All the drunk Always guys laughed while they called her and listened to her bitch on speaker phone and hung up on them. then they thought ' oh man, could you imagine how funny it would be if we told women this all the time? all the women in the world? they will read it in magazines, hear it on commercials and .. oh! OH! lets even print it on the little paper that holds the wings for added fun so as they go to change their pad, they have to read it again {insert evil laugh here}'

they all laugh and write it out then and there, sign off on it cause its all of them partying together and then people like me have to hear this damn slogan all the time. and really. this week is NOT the week i want to hear it.

stupid drunk Always guys.

The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread

2008-01-24T10:35:00.000-05:00

When we brought the newborn Danica home from the hospital for the first time I was in pretty good shape. I was well rested and felt pretty good about things. Danica had slept through her first 3 days on this earth so I was lulled into a false sense of "this ain't so hard".

Ha!

Soon, it became apparent that I had a baby that wouldn't sleep therefore making for an extremely sleep-deprived Mama. Most nights were spent cuddling her in the rocking chair until I discovered that co-sleeping was the way to go. (But that's a whole other post.)

I was frazzled and exhausted and my brain had turned to mush. I remember my mother frequently inquiring as to when she last nursed. Or when did she last sleep and for how long. More often than not, my response was a blank stare because try as I might I couldn't remember what'd I'd done a minute ago let alone when I'd last changed a diaper or nursed her.

Too late did I discover the Itzbeen. What a fabulous invention. If any soon-to-be Mom asks me what they must-have this is my answer. If I ever have another baby (another whole other post) this will be the first thing I purchase in preparation.

Then I will laugh in the face of my addled Mommy Brain.

The boy without a name.

2008-01-23T07:28:00.000-05:00

Hubby and I had an easy time picking out a handful of girl names we both loved. Then three months later sitting in the ultrasound I got a full view of testicles and penis. We are having a boy.
Finding a name for our male child has been difficult, I don't know if hubby was set on a girl and is having a hard time adjusting to having a son, or if memories of his childhood conjures up ill feelings. Either way he has not liked a single name I have chosen.

A few weeks ago he said "It's just not important, I know nothing about this kid or what he looks like, how can I choose a name?". Ok, fair enough. (I didn't remind him about the list of girl names) I let it go.

Seeing how distressed I was he gave me a project. Hubby has taken to giving me projects now that I stay at home and he is on the road most days a week. Write the alphabet and put a name you like beside each letter. Great, I can do this.

I made my list, leaving out a number of letters that I couldn't find a name for.

Sunday, hubby was looking up baby names. I told him where to find my list on my computer. I said "Fill in the ones you like and erase ones you don't". He quickly read through the names and announced he didn't like any of my choices and stands by his original idea of naming the boy after him. Dejected again I admitted defeat and thought about "the boy without a name" swimming around in my belly.

Today I opened the list to see that he in fact put some new names down. Hooray! The man is trying....Until I read them. N - Nylon, O-Ovarian, U-Upton, V-Vernier, and Y-Yahweh.
The boy without a name continues to swim.

"I wish I knew how to quit you."

2008-01-22T20:08:00.001-05:00

I can't quite figure out why Heath Ledger's death bothers me so much. Yes, of course he was so young and it's very sad but it REALLY bothers me. Kinda like River Phoenix's untimely death did.

Admittedly, I'm a bit of a star junkie. I don't read the gossip rags or sites or anything. It's just that stuff about actors sticks with me. Like when I play Trivial Pursuit I kick ass on entertainment questions. Not because I study up on it, just because I have this weird retention of names, movie credits etc. A hobby of sorts. I get attached to them.

I was feeding Danica when Kenny B came on and announced it. I immediately felt sick about it. Of course I think back about Roar (does anyone else even remember that?) and Monster's Ball and of course Brokeback Mountain. What an incredible talent. What a shame he's gone. I don't know whether he ODed or killed himself or what but I do know that Heath's death bothers me. I just feel incredibly saddened.

*sigh*

Do you ever notice that when famous people die, you cannot ever imagine them old anyway? It has struck me before that some people weren't meant to get old. That sounds odd but can you imagine a 60 year old Kurt Cobain? Or an elderly Princess Diana? A 40 year old River?

I can't.

A Flurry of Workouts

2008-01-22T15:12:00.000-05:00

I am forever amazed at how big my belly became and how pathetic my abdominal muscles became after having children. It wasn't so hard to get back in shape after the first; he was a vaginal delivery and I was twenty years young. Mother Nature is generally kind to first-time moms that way, especially when Father Time hasn't wreaked his havoc upon us yet.

By the second time around I had acquired another 10 pound baby and a whole new colony of cellulite in my thighs. By the time he turned two it began to dawn on me that weight was not magically going to melt off my body by walking to the park every day, and that I might have to *gasp* start an exercise routine.

One problem: Ottawa/Gatineau is not terribly kind to the year-round exerciser. So while I faired well with my 4KM jog eight months out of the year, I quickly lost my motivation by mid-November as the snow began to fall.

What to do? I did what any logical person would do and spent a small fortune on a treadmill. Then I could run to my heart's content in the comfort of my own home while watching Oprah discuss the latest bra craze. Excellent.

One more problem: Treadmills are very impractical for new moms. When babies are newborns we're exhausted and possibly still recovering from surgery (as I did, twice). Running quickly takes a backseat to sleeping, even if a glance at my backside makes me want to cry. When babies get older, they crawl. Older still, they toddle. Older still, they become fascinated with moving objects they aren't allowed to touch. This poses serious hazards to working out on a treadmill when a child is awake until said child is at least three or four. No amount of calories burned while rushing to the emergency room make the idea any more appetizing.

The logical solution is to put the child down for a nap or to bed for the night before working out. But wait, I'm a plus size girl with a love of all things chocolate. I can come up with reasons not to do that, too! There are four ways to use a treadmill: reading (too jumpy), watching TV (you'd have to turn it up fairly loud to compensate for the noise coming from the treadmill making it hard to listen for baby waking up), listening to music on your MP3 player (now you can't hear baby at all) or, doing nothing but running.

Has anyone ever run on a treadmill with no distractions? Did you have fun? If so, do you have a very vivid imagination involving Johnny Depp and scented candles? You must possess such imaginative skills or you will get bored very, very quickly.

In short, treadmills are for people with no children or older children, which is why mine sits up against a wall in my living room until I can figure out a way to use it and enjoy it.

I now am a mother to three and I do Pilates. They hurt, but if Jackson takes a weighted ball and throws it at my head at least it doesn't warrant a trip to the emergency room. And besides, it's Ottawa weather friendly!

Notes From The Underbelly

2008-01-22T10:42:00.000-05:00

This show is an absolute riot. If you haven't seen it yet i highly suggest you do.

its all about this woman, pregnant for the first time and dealing with all things pregnancy. all those fun things. last night she was dealing with the growing of the feet and had a mild panic attack that her shoe collection worth thousands of dollars is a waste.

she was also having sleep problems so the husband had gone out and bought her this crazy pregnancy pillow. it looked like a body pillow on acid. it was the coolest thing i had ever seen and i actually thought about going to find one to use daily. not because i am pregnant but just because it looked SO comfy.

im pretty sure it could be used as a sex contraption from the looks of it but that is another post all in itself.

A Find

2008-01-22T08:35:00.000-05:00

I was pointed in the direction of a fellow and local Mommy blogger by Don Mills Diva. I am marveling over the fact that I've been blogging for years and did not know of her until yesterday.

DaniGirl is about to give birth to her third baby boy. I promise you a good read if you head over there. It's good to know that there are great local blogs still to be discovered.

Birds

2008-01-22T07:53:00.000-05:00

I am currently in the middle of designing my nursery. Before I got pregnant I told my husband that if I become one of those pregnant ladies who obsesses over the nursery he was free to slap me. Luckily he doesn't remember that and happily goes along with in depth talks about fabric and paint colours.

I have searched high and low for a crib set that meets my criteria. No pooh, no ducks, no cartoons, no obnoxious colours. The only one that came close was in the States and cost $500. Not exactly in my single income price range.

I have decided to make my own bedding and curtains. The theme, on paper sounds Edgar-Allen-Poe-quoth-the-raven creepy, but I think it will be nice. Gray curtains and bedding with black and light blue applique birds. My sister is designing a mural (picture featured) that will match the bedding and curtains. The walls will be a light blue or off white.

I am at the point where I lay in bed and think "Do I want three birds or two birds, and should they be the same fabric or should I mix it up, maybe I will...." This literally goes on for hours at a time.

I enjoy my free time thinking and planning a nursery my child will not remember. I know that in a few months I won't have the luxery of spending hours wandering around fabric stores or searching endlessly online for the perfect pattern of babylegs. I fill my days with cooking, cleaning and decorating. Such is my life as a stay at home pregnant lady.

Aggravated at Fourbucks

2008-01-21T13:10:00.000-05:00

There have been a couple of times when I've been out and about in the city and needed to give the baby a bottle. Starbucks ~ from here on out referred to Fourbucks ~ seems like a natural place to stop. Not only can I enjoy a latte but they have comfortable arm chairs and a nice atmosphere.

But I wish that I could extol the virtues of Fourbucks customers as much as I can rave about their coffee. There have been a couple of occasions when a rather frazzled and loaded down version of me has staggered into Fourbucks looking for a comfortable chair (or sometimes just any chair) in which to feed my baby.

The first time it happened to me I couldn't even find a straight-backed chair let alone an armchair. I found myself perched on the nonsupporting, cold fireplace in between 4 grownups comfortably seated in their armchairs.

Should I assume that none of these people have had children? Maybe that's why they don't know that having an armrest whilst feeding or nursing greatly improves the experience?

Suffice it to say I was annoyed. I sincerely hope I never forget how difficult it is to tote a baby anywhere. I pledge that if I'm ever enjoying my armchair at Fourbucks and a harried Mom with baby in tow is looking around desperately, I shall graciously give up my chair.

The First of Many

2008-01-17T23:01:00.000-05:00

The inaugural first post. Yay!

Thanks Amanda, Joylinn and Brandy for joining me here. I'm pretty excited about the possibilities and look forward to posting along side all of you.

Here's to us!