It's no secret that I don't want to go back to work. I'd rather stay at home with my sweet baby girl and wear track pants 90% of the time. But the long and short of it is that I HAVE to go back.
So this week I'm working half days to help out during an extremely busy time for the coworkers I left behind. It turns out that this was a great decision. I've been on the clock since Monday afternoon and will wonders never cease but I'm kind of enjoying myself! Go figure.
Let me just admit now to both myself and to you that I would still much rather be home playing with Danica. She is the light of my life and my reason for being but putting my mind to some problem solving and working on deadlines has done wonders for my demeanor.
I feel great. I feel challenged and engaged and..... useful. I hesitate to use that word but it's the best I can come up with after 10 months of Mommy Brain. I loved pushing through the piles of work. I loved training an employee how to do her job. I was actually pleased to bring a box of work home with me because I know how much a difference I'm making in the lives of my coworkers by doing so.
All this was most unexpected.
So even though the thought of going back to work full-time come April still tears at my heart, I know that it's not as bad as I've been dreading. I can do this. I have to do this. We will all survive.
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2 comments:
Good for you Shauna! That sounds promising, honestly. Thumbs up.
I felt that way when I started taking my lactation courses. After being home full-time for years, it was nice to do something that exercised my brain and that could be completed with a good result. A lot of the work I do at home gets undone within a few hours. I clean the kitchen, it gets dirty again. I change a diaper, the new one gets filled in no time. I wash clothes, they get dirty... So to step out of that role for a little while and help someone learn to breastfeed - and they get it, and they do it, and they don't need help anymore - is a sense of accomplishment I don't get otherwise.
I love being home with my boys, but I also like stepping outside of that sometimes, just for a bit. It helps me feel more human. I'm SO happy you're feeling more positive!
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